Here we go again...

All the mommy blogs I read always talk about how fast time flies… it flies even faster when you don’t want it to and are dreading something in the near future. Link’s big surgery is almost here. This next Monday we are going into Primary’s for his pre-op appointment then he is scheduled for the Glenn surgery on Tuesday, 14^th. Russ and I are trying to prepare to live at Primary Children’s again for a week or two (hopefully that’s all) and stand back and watch our little boy hurting without being able to do much to help. It’s hard. I’ve tried not to think about previous surgeries or coming surgeries… but there comes a point where you have to and it breaks my heart. It was one thing to have my newborn, whom I barely knew and hadn’t been able to hold or take care of, to be wheeled into surgery. And it is completely different to now give my little pal to the surgeons and walk away knowing that they will cut into his little chest and stop his heart. My little pal, that gives me the biggest smile every time he sees me and yells whenever I leave the room. My little pal who flips through books all on his own, sleeps on his tummy just like I do, loves attention from anyone and everyone, talks all day long, loves to PLAY nonstop, thinks he can stand all on his own even though he can’t, grabs at everything, loves his bottle and drinking out of a cup (none of that sippy cup stuff for him), is fascinated with water, loves to smile, and who is growing into a little toddler right before my eyes. That’s the little boy I have to hand off to the surgeons. Lincoln is such a happy baby and has so much energy, life, and love for learning. Besides his oxygen stats, he is doing GREAT! So it’s hard to believe that he really needs this next surgery.

And he will have no idea what is happening. He will have no idea why he will wake up in excruciating pain and have pain for the coming month or more. He will have no idea why there are tons of cords connected to him and why there are strangers taking care of him instead of mommy and daddy and furthermore, why mommy and daddy allowed this to happen.

I’ve learned a lot about my Heavenly Father through this experience. I’ve learned how it feels to allow your child to experience pain because it is necessary and what is best for him. Before, I thought that because He knew the pain we experience is for our good, that it doesn’t hurt Him, but that is definitely not true. He loves us so much that He endures the pain of allowing us to suffer so that we can grow, that we can become stronger, that we can become like Him.

And yet with all of these fears and anxieties, I can’t help but feel grateful for this gift that my Heavenly Father has given me, Lincoln. And for the love and support of my husband. I am so grateful that I can hold his hand through the surgery and cry into his arms. I am grateful for the many prayers that have been given for Lincoln. I know that prayers are heard. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of us. I know that Lincoln, Russell, and I have all grown and will yet grow stronger from the experiences we have shared and will yet share together at Primary Children’s. I know that I have said this before but I have learned so much from observing the strength of others as they have endured trials and hardships at Primary Children’s Hospital. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that my family can be together forever.

I have been recently trying to figure out what the Glenn surgery entails. This is what I have found:

The Glenn surgery (aka: Bidirectional Glenn Shunt, Partial Fontan, or Bidirectional Cavo-Pulmonary Shunt) is performed by connecting the superior vena cava to the right branch of the pulmonary artery then tying up the pulmonary artery. This makes it so that venous (deoxygenated) blood from the head and upper limbs (arms) will pass directly to the lungs, bypassing the right ventricle. The venous blood from the lower half of the body will continue to enter the heart. So the gist of the surgery (from what I know) is that they will make it so that the right ventricle (that is smaller and not as strong due to 9 months of not having an outlet to pump blood) will not have to do as much work, thus creating a 1 ½ ventricle heart. Also, from what I’ve read, it says that the Glenn is preferred in small babies and in borderline cases with abnormal pulmonary arteries (which is what Link has). If all goes well during this surgery then a complete Fontan is possible (in a couple years) or nothing further will need to be done (except they’ve told us that he will most likely have valve replacements every five years for the rest of his life). The Glenn should decrease the volume load on the right ventricle and improve oxygen stats (so hopefully no more oxygen).

Thank you again for all your support and prayers.