Two bits...

Two bits of advice for mommy-to-be’s

In the past year I’ve gone to a few baby showers and at each shower I am asked to give advice to the mom to be…and I’m stuck. I’ve got nothing. From his labor and delivery, the first year of Lincoln’s life was anything but normal- from getting induced for a 36 hour labor, living at Primary’s, scheduling oxygen, planning surgeries, working full-time, working on my Master’s Degree, pumping, commuting Lincoln an hour two times a day for babysitting, etc. I have no advice about labor, nursing, scheduling, sleeping through the night, etc.

So when I found out I was pregnant, I was determined to think of some good advice for ME as a new mommy-to-be (again) and write it out for myself in a blog post (ie: be grateful when you get to hold your baby after he’s born without tubes and oxygen, try as hard as you can to nurse but don’t feel guilty if it doesn’t work, don’t put makeup or real clothes on the few days after delivery because you’ll be HOME, etc. etc.).  But when we found out we were having twins all of that advice went out the window!

So…now what advice would I give myself and other mommy-to-be’s? I’ve come up with two:

1.     “Faith in God means faith in His timing” –Neal A Maxwell

It took us a year to get pregnant. It was a long year with bouts of frustration, worry, guilt, sadness, and hopelessness. But after finding out we were having TWO, I am very grateful that it took so long. I am grateful that Lincoln is a year older, I am grateful that Russ is a year longer into his jobs (so he can hopefully quit one of them before the babes come), and I’m grateful that my sister-in-law had twins first so I could learn from her example (she has 5 month old twins).  I am grateful that the Lord didn’t answer my pleadings and prayers as quickly as I was hoping and I am grateful that He is in charge of the timing of events in our lives.

That being said, I am now dealing with the ‘timing’ of the delivery of these boys. Everywhere you look, read, or listen, you hear that the number one risk factor of twins is premature labor and delivery. So I’ve worried from the get-go that I wouldn’t be able to carry these twins as long as they need to be carried. It is still a constant worry, but if I do my part, I need to have faith in the Lord’s timing and the Lord’s plan for our family.

2.    “Come what may and love it.” –Joseph B Wirthlin

I think the hardest part of this pregnancy (except everything being TWICE as bad as the first- not kidding) is the emotional ups and downs. Our twins are Mono-Di twins meaning they are identical twins in one placenta with two amniotic sacs. Besides being a high risk pregnancy because of Lincoln’s heart defect and because of twins, the risks are even higher because they are in the same placenta. I have appointments every two weeks with ultrasounds to check on their progress.  Along with a ton of appointments (which I’m grateful for to monitor them and me!), every weird feeling/pressure/pain I experience makes me worry that something is wrong or that I’m going to go into labor. Along with the worry, I have guilt if I do too much or too little throughout the day. If I do too much (cooking, cleaning, appointments, etc.) I feel guilty that I’m not resting enough for the babies. If I do too little I feel guilty about not being a good mom, wife, friend, etc.  We’ve also been discussing our living situation. We are in a two-room condo right now and are debating about moving into a little bit bigger condo, moving to a town where Russ is doing a lot of work, moving in with my mom for a few months, etc. Forever I was really stressed about where we were going to be (and the process of moving right when the twins come).

Through all of this, I’ve learned that I just need to take a big breath and say “Come what may and love it.” Come what may- if the twins are born early and have to stay in the NICU; come what may- if I have to go on bed-rest; come what may- if we move right when the twins get here; come what may- if my house is a mess and my husband has nothing to eat. Come what may- and love it!